The Things I Never See Coming

Okay, I just spent the last 25 minutes listening to this
very-much-not-right-in-the-head guy who walked into our office. I
wasn't afraid for my safety, but he was definitely having some mental
issues. Totally stream of consciousness, talking fast, very animated,
and probably a big fat liar (and self-professed thief?)
Within a 30-second period he talked about knowing Sarah Jessica
Parker, having gone to Columbia, how his skills as a bicycle mechanic
could translate into teaching skills, being involved in the "pickle
heist" (which I'm not supposed to mention to anyone), having spent
time at Dorthea Dix, wanting to help himself to the buffet spread at a
reception upstairs, how he wanted to take my Starbucks mocha but he
probably shouldn't, and then some reference to South Park, the Law
Library, and how he carries soap with him.
He also asked if he could make a copy of his resume on our machine to
send to A&E and proceeded to take one of each of the
handouts/brochures on display at my desk, asking if they were about a
new drug, and he ran through a list of 'v' names, including viagra and
vagisil before he landed on valium.

When he finally left I closed and locked the front door. I'm not
scared, I just don't want to deal with him right now.
I think he's still in the hall talking to his mother on the payphone.

Crazy.

This experience ranks up there with the time I got bit in the hand by
a parent at the music studio I worked at.