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bad news, emily!

Thursday, November 17, 2005

Conveyor Belt Dream


My insecurities have been seeping into my dreams.
Last night I dreamed some seriously weird dreams, one in which I was checking out at the register at a grocery store. There was one of those little conveyor belt things and though I was 3 people away from the front, I was still able to put my groceries at the end of the belt. Somehow the machinery went out of control suddenly and it just kept conveying and everyone's stuff got piled up at the end, making a big mess with all the loose produce (I noticed kiwis, apples, and potatoes) and stuff. The guy at the register was freaking out and we all tried to sort it out so the person at the front of the line could check out.
Then I found myself there with many of my coworkers and my supervisor was there accusing me of being responsible for the problem. I kept trying to tell her that it was the machinery that got messed up, but she kept saying in an accusatory tone "well, I don't know, but somebody messed it up", implying that it was me, and wouldn't let it go. I just stood there, embarrassed, with all my coworkers looking on, feeling like I was now viewed as a screw up and knowing that there was nothing I could do to convince my supervisor of my innocence.
It was rotten and the residual feeling of insecurity has yet to fade away completely.
Then I came in to work this morning and felt like I was the trouble-maker again. She hadn't posted on the in/out board that she'd be out - but she had put it on the online university calendar (which sucks and only a few people use) - and she kept insisting that she had told people. In our office, we all post things on the in/out board so everyone knows. I had to be the one to inform her that people had been looking for her all day and that she ought to post it on the board next time.
A trivial thing, maybe, but it certainly did nothing to dissipate my insecurities about how my supervisor sees me.

"Arrrrggg!!!!" she exclaimed out of sheer frustration. The day had not begun well. She resolved to make herself a cup of chai to console her ego and warm her hands.

1 Comments:

At 11/17/2005 1:53 PM, Blogger Unknown said...

You're a hard-worker! Don't let any colleagues get to you... Grandma says that when someone is mean, usually it's because they have a problem, and not you. (Still, it doesn't feel nice when folks are mean.)

When Administrative Assistant Appreciation Day comes around--if I find out that they didn't do anything for you, I'm going to flex my weight and there's going to be consequences and repercussions. I know you're a lot more than an administrative assistant, but still... they better recognize.

 

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