I Think I Might Be A Jerk…

But I can’t be sincerely 100% sorry about it because the source comes from a conviction that, after digging to the root, I’m convinced is honorable. Dare I try to make my case? Here it goes...

I am uncomfortable with holiday gift giving.
I have an aversion to the routine practice of giving gifts under duress.
Translation: I’m strangely not keen on giving gifts out of Holiday Obligation. My approach to gift giving in December is tainted by that whole inflated, commercialized element of Christmas.

This issue is revisited by my brother and me each year around Christmas for the last… maybe 5 years? We have sincerely asked our parents and our relatives (through our parents) to not give us gifts at Christmas. We have never succeeded in pursuading them, much to our concealed frustration. But, having said that, we know and respect that they give us things purely out of love and not out of a sense of obligation. Do we refuse the gifts we receive? No, because they were given out of love. Are we ungrateful? Never. Do we feel pity for a world full of people who give gifts on a schedule? Not with any sense of blame. Do we enjoy giving gifts to the people we love? Of course!

I’m not standing on a platform decrying the generosity and joyfulness of people all over the world. I don’t bah-humbug the trimmings and trappings of the holidays either. I love Christmas. I love the warmth of it. I love the smells, the garlands, the lights, the wrapping paper and ribbons, the cheer, the cookies (oh, the cookies!) and the cascade of fond childhood memories.

But I still find myself caught in conviction limbo because I think it’s wonderful that people find joy in giving gifts. It's a good thing. God was the first and ultimate Giver of Gifts. I love giving gifts to people when there’s no occasion. I love giving gifts to people when I come across something that I know they’ll just love. I love giving things to people when it means something. I love the feeling of anticipation and watching them unwrap something I think will make them happy.
But it's the practice of making a list of the people every November and in the next six weeks checking off their names once you’ve gone through the strategizing and agonizing to find the "perfect" gift. Check. That task is done. That person is taken care of. Move on to the next.

It all comes down to this:
I should be a more generous person, I know. I just can't get past my distaste for the commercialization of Christmas and this affects the way I do and don't give gifts during the holidays.
There are millions of Christians who are saddened that the glitter and gifts have overshadowed the true meaning of Christmas, but that doesn’t mean that we can’t enjoy the fun things associated with the holiday. Make pies! Sing carols! Trim trees! Bake cookies for your mailman and hand out candy canes at work!

The fine print:
I apologize to anyone who has ever felt slighted by my lack of gift giving. Just because it’s the least of my own “love languages” doesn’t mean I think there’s no value to the practice. I am not ungrateful, I enjoy and appreciate the gesture of giving a gift in general and I certainly don’t judge others for their generosity during the holidays. It’s a conviction I hold as my own.

If this doesn't make sense, that's fine. Sometimes it doesn't make sense to me. Don't over-analyze any gifting or non-gifting from me. You can just ignore this whole post if that makes it easier.

(EDIT: I forgot a CRUCIAL element of my thought process. The concept of "making a list" for people to work off of in their gift shopping. That whole practice is what makes it feel forced a lot of the time. It's incredibly practical, of course, because you want to give people things they want and will enjoy, but it still feels forced. I like it when people make lists if I'm not sure what they'd want, but since high school I've felt extremely awkward doing it for myself.
Basically, this post was motivated by an email from my dad asking me for my "Christmas list.")

Heck, I might as well have just re-written this entire post based on this last edit, but I simply don't have the time or the energy.