All Conflicted and Stuff

Now I don't know what to think.
Whereas I had been 90% sure I wouldn't move in with “The Family” (as I will henceforth refer to them) and would just head off to my life on my own, the last 24 hours have afforded me more time for thought.
It truly is an amazing opportunity – to move into a home with friends and live virtually rent-free. There are many things I had been longing for that living my own place would give me, but are they things that I could let go of for now and put on the back burner? How important is it for me to be independent, to have control over my space and activities?
All this time I have been viewing the transition to living in my own apartment as an invaluable experience – one that I couldn’t pass up, one that I was overdue for. I don’t think that a year ago I had really thought about living in my own place. It’s just in the last 3 months that it seems to have become something I think about all the time – a dream soon to be realized.

I’ve tried, unsuccessfully, to woo my former roommate of 4 years away from The House, selfishly wanting to return to the good ol’ days of the unstoppable force of The Super Sarahs living together. But in the invitation to move in with The Family, I would get to do just that.

The hesitation I feel comes from two things: (1) all the complicated issues in bringing my two cats, and (2) moving into a home that is already established. The former concern can actually be included in the latter. With my recent preoccupation with the idea of living alone, the idea of moving into someone’s home with a community that is already established would be turning a 180. Seeing it as such reveals the truth of the matter: I want to live selfishly (on my own term, in my own space that I have full control over) and living with The Family would cause me to live with humility. I wouldn’t feel in control of anything where I live.
So it comes out! I want to be in control and I want to live independently. I knew that, but it's more blatant when I see it from this perspective.
As much as living in my own apartment would be an invaluable experience, so would living in community and keeping my pride and selfishness in check. I can’t argue that this would be a very, very good thing for me.

Wow. This is a hard decision to make.