Gettin’ a Whoopin’ on NPR
I heard a bit on NPR a little while ago that keeps popping back into my head. It was a young black man giving a monologue of sorts about his experience with discipline in his family and how glad he was that his mama “whooped” him a lot growing up.
He spoke candidly about how he thought it was the best way to discipline a child - beyond just a basic spanking. I have always believed that yelling at and yanking and hitting kids is the wrong way to handle discipline, and that it’s damaging to the child. There is a quote from the book Little Women that I can agree with for the most part: “If you hit and humiliate a child, the only lesson they will learn is to hit and humiliate.” It has always scared me to see parents yelling at and yanking their kids around in public. I still panic a little when I see it now. It’s scary to witness something like that and feel like you’re not allowed to say anything to the mom. Sometimes I wish I had the courage to. My parents spanked us and I think it did us good. I deserved it every time I got it. But I think there’s a line that a lot of parents cross.
But here was a young man who made his case for how that kind of extreme physical discipline was effective and that he appreciated it.
What surprised me the most was that he went on to talk about how at the grocery store he laughs at "those ridiculous white women” who try to talk and reason with their children when all they really need is a good whoopin’. In his personal experience he sees it as a racial difference in the way people discipline their children. His monologue made me think about my own observations of public discipline. Have I observed any "racial" differences? It's hard to evaluate in retrospect, so at this point I would only claim observing cultural/sub-cultural differences (referring to Americans, and not international cultures), recognizing that sub-culture often does fall along racial lines.
Thoughts?
Comments?
posted by sarahanne @ 12:31 PM
4 Comments:
He who spares the rod hates his son, but he who loves him is careful to discipline him.
Proverbs 13:24
What is funny, is when I read "one of those ridiculous white women" there was an immediate picture that popped into my head of someone I knew who fit that EXACT description. I can see her standing on the ground looking up into the tree her son had climbed and trying to reason with him while he is throwing a fit and refusing to come down. She is offering all these rewards and he is completely unmoved because he knows that if he waits her out, he'll get them anyway.
HOWEVER, because I know a lot of white women, I am aware that there were white women who lived down the street who beat their children too much.
I think it is when we don't take the time to get to know each other that we do stereotype. We notice those women in the grocery stores because their kids are SCREAMING or because they are yanking them up by the arm and spanking them all the way out the door. What about the thousands of people we see whose kids are well-behaved??
We notice the things that annoy us. My white friend's father is from Australia and is a big businessman who does a lot of business in Africa. His only exposure to black people is when he travels into Nigeria and takes five armed bodyguards with him to not become apart of all the genocides going on or what he sees on the news. My friend, David, is in leadership at an African American church here in charleston. After the disaster in New Orleans, his dad called him and delivered an ultimatim "Leave the black church or I no longer have a son". Of course, David was ripped up but he wouldn't do it yet still wants to maintain his relationship with his father. He finally realized, his dad has lived in Poland and Australia all his life and views the African American community as depicted in the New Orleans riots and what he sees in Nigeria. If he actually would take the time to get to know David's spiritual father and pastor, he would be blown away.
See, I think it is sad when we don't take the time to find out what we are missing. We are all unique. I think it is a lot harder to say all white people are _________ and all Korean people are __________. Some people beat their children and thousands of women from all walks of life sit at home every morning at 9am & 4pm and watch Dr. Phil and Oprah tell them to reason with their kids...
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Good points about the stereotypes..
I do think that in general there can be differing approaches among subcultures, but it's more complicated than race; it could be socio-economic and educational...
Physical discipline is sometimes necesary, but the attitude of this post-modern society is one of relativism, which frowns upon judgement in general. More educated or well-to-do people may be used to having a mindset of trying to talk through EVERYTHING because that's the civilized and sophisticated-looking thing to do. Not saying that talk is bad, but if a child is in danger of developing deficient character because they won't listen, a spanking may drive the point home clearer than words. I don't advocate mean-spirited abuse, but it's not a sin to be stern with children when they're wrong. Parents have to have backbone. If possible, sure, talk first, but it's not the end-all solution for everything (though the UN may think so).
If I say, "I'm gonna count to 10 and you better stop misbehaving", I'm sending many bad messages:
1) There's no need to behave immediately.
2) If I get to 10 and then fail to follow up with repercussion for disobeying, I'm showing the kid that I'm a liar. I don't mean what I say, and therefore they can get away with disobedience because I'm spineless.
If my son is about to be hit by a car, am I mean to push him out of the way? Of course not. He may fall and get hurt, but he'll live, and thank me afterwards.
Will we love kids even when it hurts them? Or will we let them feel good in the present though they pay for it later? That's the bottom line: know what it means to love your kids.
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